Thoughts - Gamer identity

Reflection on Mike Berger's post on "Rethinking Your Gamer Identity"

When I used to blog about software testing and quality assurance or sewing and knitting, I used to respond to other blog posts, online videos or workshops to help me form my thoughts and ideas. I kind of miss this and might do this a little bit more in the future.

To kick start my “Thoughts” posts I wanted to explore my personal response to Mike Berger’s on “Rethinking Your Gamer Identity”. If you haven’t seen it yet have a look below.

Permission to Evolve: Rethinking Your Gamer Identity

Identity is such an interesting thing. In reality we are all using different parts to make our selfs. Labels such as, daughter, parent, runner, knitter, gamer, developer etc. all serve us to find our place in the world. And these can shift, become more or less important.

I for one had an interesting issue with my identity a couple of years ago, because I changed career. The identity of software tester shifted and I felt like I didn’t belong in my old community anymore. And I think that is what these identity labels are for, community and a sense of belonging. Mike talks about this as an ability to recognise others who share an interest.

The other part of identity that I give myself a hard time for is that sometimes I don’t feel like I deserve to add a label to my identity, because I don’t do it enough. Take running for example. I used to run 3-4 times a week. I had a decent 5km pace and an average run was 6-8km. All of this stopped for a few years and now I run 1-2 times a week and am a LOT slower than I was. So part of me doesn’t think I deserve to call myself a runner, which is rubbish, and I know that. :)

I really liked Mike’s take on this:

You have permission to pause your gaming habit. Any hobby should serve a purpose: relaxation, competition, fun, creativity. It should provide a positive outlet. If it’s not doing that for you anymore, it’s okay to take a step back.

So in essence I paused my running habit and it has since changed due to health, age and lifestyle reasons which is only natural. But I am still a runner.

My Gamer identity

Mike’s post also made me examine my gamer identity. As I have mentioned before I grew up playing on the original Nintendo GameBoy and Sega Megadrive. As the Gameboy evolved into the Gameboy colour and Nintendo DS I continued to be into handheld gaming, saving my pocket money to get a new game here and there. I never thought of myself as a gamer per se but I was, and I did realise that it was more boys who also played video games than girls, so in my circle of friends I didn’t really have anyone to play games with (most boys didn’t want to have girl friends to play with).

Once I was 16 I stopped playing games. I spent my money on travel holidays and music instead, which continued well into my early twenties.

Eventually I did return to gaming but in a professional capacity. Being bilingual, I managed to get a job as a linguistic games tester and translator. I even have a credit and I got to see a few big games early on in 2008 before they released. Interestingly I didn’t know the industry well enough to be excited or know the significance of some of those games. My housemate was grilling me every night though. He hoped it would be what became Skyrim but it was 2008 so it wasn’t that. :D

Over the next few years I worked in video games, which kind of ruined gaming as a relaxation for me. I was tuned in to looking for flaws and visual issues rather than enjoying a story. I guess my identity shifted to games tester over just gamer.

But I kept hearing my grandmother’s voice in my head and according to her, you cannot have a job you enjoy, so I got a different job which I ended up hating and made me ill. However to escape from the hell of that job, I started to play games again, specifically Red Dead Redemption and Skyrim in 2010/11.

Luckily I shut out my grandma’s voice eventually and found general software testing and quality engineering shortly after that break in a job from hell.

Unfortunately this meant a pay cut and higher commuting costs in time and money, which resulted in my gaming habits reducing. I did not really think of myself as a gamer then. But I was focused on building a career and making ends meet.

However this was about to change with a life change, a new Nintendo 3DS XL and a household with the wii and PS3. I was introduced to Shadow of the Colossus, watched Portal being played and enjoyed the Miis turning up when I walked around with my 3DS.

I think this signalled that being an adult and liking video games is absolutely fine. I would generally still choose other hobbies to relax with, but gaming was just a button press away.

Fast forward about ten years, and I finally completed Skyrim’s story (in 2023), tried Elden Ring (130 hours and counting) and got myself a Switch and Steam deck.

I feel a bit like I am catching up and making up for lost time, but this gaming habit was really enabled by the steam deck. It is so easy to play the types of games I enjoy and I don’t need to have my finger on the pulse and the latest game. I kind of like a bargain. :D

I guess I am a gamer again now, but I do struggle with the label sometimes, as to me it is marked with the First person shooters, or big AAA games that I haven’t ever played. Initially I thought I’d reinvent myself with the “cozy gamer” label but I am too chaotic in the types of games I play, and my set up, while mostly on the sofa, is not that cozy.

I will stick with gamer or variety gamer for now, who plays to experience escapism, art, and a nice story. In the end I like it to be fun and that can come in all sorts of gaming packages.

What is your gamer identity?